So I've been away from the blog for a bit. I have to say I have also been away from my journey too. Yep I've back slid a bit.
Now growing up the way I did Back sliding is a big dangerous idea that involves Satan and damnation. But back sliding doesn't have to be shameful. Recognizing that your are doing it is a good start.
Yes I have spent the last month being reckless, spending when I shouldn't. Eating things I know are bad for me and will make me sick. I have not been taking care of myself while pretending to. This does not make me a bad person, instead it gives me opportunity to grow.
In western culture we have a real "you deserve it" mentality, which really isn't healthy. It's easy to justify another pair of sunglasses you just adore with "Oh go on, you've had a tough time lately, you deserve it." Then a few minutes later we are using the same line to buy yourself lunch and then a coffee and then more make up and then... and then... and then...
STOP!!
When you have a limited amount of money(and honestly it seems who doesn't) impulsively spending money to treat yourself is actually self destructiveness disguised as "taking care of you". I'm not saying you can't ever buy yourself something nice, but stop and think about how you will feel in a weeks time. **
Often when we are struggling we look back and regret these purchases and they make us feel worse that they did in the beginning. Which then feeds the monster in our head that tells us we are terrible people. We need to do all that we can to starve that monster and feed our cheerleader.
Think of treats and special things that don't involve spending money or putting yourself in potential harm. Want a nice lunch out... have a picnic in a park with a homemade lunch and a good book. Invite friends and everyone can share.
Wear an outfit you usually reserve for special occasions, just because. Do bold make up that you always admire on other but never dare to do. By all means treat yourself , you do deserve it, but think about things that will continue to make you feel good. Banish the ideas that will fill you withe shame in a few days.
Feed that cheerleader. She is strong and beautiful and amazing and will support you forever.
Starve the monster. He only pretends to be a friend, he's working against you and always will.
I know this won't work for everyone, but I'm a strong believer of creative visualization. I like to imagine myself sitting at a table and there are three chairs and two full plates of food. One seat is mine and another sits my cheerleader and the final one sits my monster. I then pick up the plates and give one to myself and then one to my cheerleader. This is the only way this equation can work for my survival.
I hope your journey is less bumpy than mine has been. Love yourself, because you deserve it.
**I've spoken mainly about spending money because that is my particular demon, this can just as easily apply to many other self destructive behaviors like unhealthy eating, or unusually risky behaviors, under the guise of "you deserve it".
Now growing up the way I did Back sliding is a big dangerous idea that involves Satan and damnation. But back sliding doesn't have to be shameful. Recognizing that your are doing it is a good start.
Yes I have spent the last month being reckless, spending when I shouldn't. Eating things I know are bad for me and will make me sick. I have not been taking care of myself while pretending to. This does not make me a bad person, instead it gives me opportunity to grow.
In western culture we have a real "you deserve it" mentality, which really isn't healthy. It's easy to justify another pair of sunglasses you just adore with "Oh go on, you've had a tough time lately, you deserve it." Then a few minutes later we are using the same line to buy yourself lunch and then a coffee and then more make up and then... and then... and then...
STOP!!
When you have a limited amount of money(and honestly it seems who doesn't) impulsively spending money to treat yourself is actually self destructiveness disguised as "taking care of you". I'm not saying you can't ever buy yourself something nice, but stop and think about how you will feel in a weeks time. **
Often when we are struggling we look back and regret these purchases and they make us feel worse that they did in the beginning. Which then feeds the monster in our head that tells us we are terrible people. We need to do all that we can to starve that monster and feed our cheerleader.
Think of treats and special things that don't involve spending money or putting yourself in potential harm. Want a nice lunch out... have a picnic in a park with a homemade lunch and a good book. Invite friends and everyone can share.
Wear an outfit you usually reserve for special occasions, just because. Do bold make up that you always admire on other but never dare to do. By all means treat yourself , you do deserve it, but think about things that will continue to make you feel good. Banish the ideas that will fill you withe shame in a few days.
Feed that cheerleader. She is strong and beautiful and amazing and will support you forever.
Starve the monster. He only pretends to be a friend, he's working against you and always will.
I know this won't work for everyone, but I'm a strong believer of creative visualization. I like to imagine myself sitting at a table and there are three chairs and two full plates of food. One seat is mine and another sits my cheerleader and the final one sits my monster. I then pick up the plates and give one to myself and then one to my cheerleader. This is the only way this equation can work for my survival.
I hope your journey is less bumpy than mine has been. Love yourself, because you deserve it.
**I've spoken mainly about spending money because that is my particular demon, this can just as easily apply to many other self destructive behaviors like unhealthy eating, or unusually risky behaviors, under the guise of "you deserve it".
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